Facepalms
by Darth Tater
Summary: Drabbles. Arthur dissected Merlin's face with his stare, searching for he didn't know what and not sure whether he found it.
1. Harpies

See, look, I can do it too. I can never finish anything, but I can finish a drabble. And apparently drabbling helps take out frustrations caused by my new college room mates. This is the first of several thusly inspired, and the first of several facepalms. Seriously, those girls are going to drive me up a tree.

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This… rage. It was intense, like the hottest fire of a forge, powerful yet contained. All consuming one minute, gone the next.

Arthur wasn't sure how much longer he could do this, smiling and making nice when those blasted females were trying to temp him otherwise. Sometimes he thought another hour with them would bring about their demise at his hands. The harpies couldn't stop bitching, and whining, and trying to control other people's business.

Princesses were surely invented to drive sane people to murder. There was a reason Arthur was gay, he told his father. And then Uther facepalmed.


	2. Secret Tunnel

Okay, so I wouldn't mind some reviews. If you have a minute. I'll try not to spend my time begging for reviews. But, please?

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Merlin had been separated with the strangely carefree druids for hours before they finally met back up with Arthur and the knights.

Apparently Arthur's noble spirit had proven they were worthy of being led out of the treacherous labyrinth. Merlin had used magic to blast a hole through every wall, but to each his own.

Lancelot asked him, "Merlin? Why is your face all red?" At this point the leader of the druid band came up excitedly.

"Okay, nobody react to what I'm about to say. I think this kid might be the prince of Camelot." And then Merlin facepalmed.


	3. I am your father

I really don't think this requires an explanation.

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Arthur was backed against the rock wall, Mordred the only thing separating him from a sheer drop. Mordred confronted Arthur, rage in his eyes.

"You are a knight of Camelot and a Pendragon! You killed my father!" Arthur stopped moving. "No…. I am your father." At seeing how deadly serious his foe had become, Mordred paled and screamed.

"NOOOOO!" Arthur took advantage of the boy's confusion and pushed him off the cliff. Unfortunately for him, Mordred fell to a nearby ledge and lived. He then refined his skills to return to seek his vengeance, now stronger than his evil father.


	4. Friends with Benefits

To Anabelle: I heard something about that, but heard it relied on kataraang, which makes me angry, so no. But I did get my entire family into Avatar.

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Take this how you will.

"So, Merlin… Where exactly were you last night?" The boy had been missing for the third night in a row.

"Oh, I was, um, with Arthur?"  
>"… You do realize he has a duty to the kingdom and must provide an heir to carry on the blood line? Whatever you two have, it's going to hurt you both."<p>

"Oh, no Gaius, it's not like that. Arthur's in love with Gwen, and there's actually this new maid…" He trailed off, blushing.

Gaius raised his eyebrows. "Then where were you?"

"Oh, just having wild crazy sex with Arthur."

And then Gaius facepalmed.

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	5. Whiners

2 of my room mates like to sit and whine about how awful the rest of us are, or about their petty little boy problems. Insert vomit.

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Sometimes listening to those two just made Merlin want to they were some of his best friends, but when they were invading HIS room whining about their insignificant little problems that he didn't even understand, he wondered why

Listening to Lancelot moan about his nobly unrequited love made Merlin wish he would stop being so self-righteous, since he was the only one who cared that shagging the queen was against the rules.

Listening to Gwaine mope about which woman had rejected him this week was would he possibly expect a gay man to understand or care?


	6. Alone

My college town is about a 20th the size of the town where I grew up. This was inspired by XKCD, which is basically super nerd humor. review?

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Sometimes Gauis felt he was surrounded by idiots.

His oldest friend was distracted from the important questions of life by hate and an overactive revenge complex. The closest thing he had to a son would never care or understand about his scientific accomplishments. The people with whom he interacted daily were lucky if they could read, let alone think.

He needed his books to remind him he wasn't alone. Sometimes he would just sit and read, or just sit and stare, and remember that the entire world was not comprised of fools, and that somewhere was someone who might understand.


	7. Gauis has 6 fingers on his left hand

Fo realz. Princess Bride ftw. btdubs. lol. nbd.

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Gauis paused on finding the proper key to his rooms. "Are you coming? I'm just headed to torture Merlin. My leech tank needs cleaning. "

Uther regretfully declined. "Gaius, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's twentieth magic free year feast to plan, my son's wedding to arrange, his wife to murder, and Cenred to blame for it. I'm swamped." He shrugged exhaustedly.

Gaius put a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave him some good advice as his physician, "Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything."


	8. Confession Time

Oh yes. more stuff. review?

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How would Arthur see Merlin after his confession? "I really need to talk with you about something. I'm… uh, well…" How could he say it?

Arthur just smiled knowingly. "Gay, right? I already know. Do you think I'm oblivious? You can't hide anything from me." Confused silence. "What? Where in the world did you get that idea? No, I'm a warlock."

Arthur, so convinced he was right, simply couldn't accept this. "I understand you want to hide this, but it's okay. You don't have to make excuses. There are worse things than being attracted to men."

And then Merlin facepalmed.


	9. Part 4

This is actually the last in a set which I decided to post in reverse order. I think it's more fun that way.

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Now the painful part. "Gwen? Do you love me?"

"Um, no? I know we never really discussed it, but I thought it was obvious we were on the same page." "The same page? That you don't love me and I apparently don't love you?"

"Well, yes. That. Arthur, I've been in love, and I can tell you love another. Not me."

"I was angry. Not jealous of Lancelot, angry that you betrayed me."

"Arthur, have you really not noticed until now that you love him?"

"I thought it was normal. I thought what we had was love. I was wrong."


	10. Soooooouuuuuup

My town has no Taco Bell. I know how horrible it is, but I love it. What's your favorite junk food?

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><p>"and… and I want Lena's soup!" Merlin exclaimed at the end of his stressed rant.<p>

"Lena? You want her soup? You realize you're allowed to eat some of the best food in the kingdom daily, right? That Lena probably puts questionable vegetables and Lord knows what in her soup?" Arthur clearly couldn't understand comfort food.

Merlin slumped to the floor angstily. "I know. It's not all that good, and it's definitely not good for you, since she uses all the delicious fatty bits of meat in it. But that's not the point. That's what I want."

And then Arthur facepalmed.


	11. Part 3

Please love me. Please review. It would make my crappy week less crappy.

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><p>"Merlin. Have you ever been in love? With someone you know you shouldn't be?"<p>

"Haven't we all? If you're wondering, it doesn't go away. You can try to move on, try to forget, but it never stops hurting."

"What happened?"

"It wasn't meant to be. Society doesn't care about love, only about custom."

"What was wrong with her?" …her? "The problem was me. We… were in different leagues. I guess I'm not really _her_ type."

"Not her type? I know the feeling." He gave an overly dramatic sigh. "I'm doomed in love." They sat together, so close, but so blind.


	12. Burn the Sorcerer

Princess Angel Rose wrote a lovely drabble referencing this episode of Firely. So I was like, look, I can do it too! Cagematch: Merlin vs. River. Victor?

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><p>Merlin was tied to the stake, with angry villagers preparing to burn him for his crimes.<p>

"How was I supposed to know you hadn't heard about the new law? I swear, magic is legal now!" He cried in his defense, but it did no good. Fortunately Arthur and his knights got there in time to smooth things over.

"Cut him down!" Arthur commanded.

The villagers were shocked. "The boy is a sorcerer…" They began to argue.

"Yeah, but he's our sorcerer-" He cocked his crossbow and aimed it at the neck of the leader. "-so cut him the hell down."


	13. Part 2

So I'm not really huge on this strain the more I read it, but I can't just write something and not post it, right?

Also hollyblue2, thanks for being the only one who reviews consistently, sometimes at all. hint hint.

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><p>His father would scorn him, and his friends had never loved.<p>

"Gaius? Have you ever been in love?"

"Why the sudden interest?"

"I know someone, and she... she's lovely. She's kind, and she really cares about people. I trust her to be a considerate ruler someday. I trust her with my life, and with those of my friends." Gaius paused. "Arthur, honestly, that's how I feel about your father, not the woman I loved. I'm sure this woman is a great friend, but you don't sound very, well, passionate."

"Passion like your pulse racing and becoming suddenly mute?" "Yes, that."


	14. Over the Rainbow

I find it interesting that there are so many pairings which rely on everyone being gay. Not that I don't love it, but really. What are the odds?

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><p>Gwaine sat pining pathetically, sighing over the not-so-secret warlock who would never love him back.<p>

Despite Gwaine's most charming looks and sincere interest in the boring details of his life, Merlin had eyes only for Arthur. The golden boy who got whatever he wanted, but feared asking for what he truly wanted – Leon's affection.

Leon in turn stalked Gwaine obsessively. So when Lancelot forgot that all his friends were over the rainbow and sat at the bar and started lamenting how Gwen could never love him, Gwaine asked, "Seriously mate? You're in love with a _woman_?" And then Lancelot facepalmed.


	15. Part 1

Look! We're finally done with this awkward backwards thing! Meaning I can get back to posting the things I actually like.

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><p>Arthur confronted Lancelot. "But how could you? I trusted you! I trusted her!"<p>

"But you didn't love her! Not like I love her!"

"Of course I love her!"

"Really? How do you feel when you see her?"

How could he answer such a stupid question? "…Happy? She's sweet and beautiful and I know she'd make a wonderful queen and mother."

"Just happy? Your heart doesn't stop? Your tongue doesn't swell up? You don't feel like you could take on the world simply because she's there? Because that's love."

"…what?"

"That's how people in love feel. Ask anyone." And he would.


	16. Uther's Bath

FRIDAY! And tomorrow is Saturday. And I will curse my life in the cursed U.S. where we don't get Merlin until like 3 years after everyone else. Congratulations.

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><p>Uther had decided to switch servants with Arthur for the winter, to keep an eye on that Merlin boy. He seemed fishy, but a full investigation without reason would have upset Arthur.<p>

The first day he ordered a bath prepared, and braced himself for the hopefully lukewarm water. When he nearly scalded his foot, he knew only sorcery could get water this hot for his bath at this time of year. But perhaps, he thought, he should research this more. He could arrest the boy after this abnormal delightful luxury.

He'd been saying that for going on two months now.


	17. Homesick

I wrote this several weeks ago when I spent about a week straight laying in bed crying because I wanted my Mommy. But I, unlike Merlin, had a phone. Poor homesick Merlin :(

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><p>Merlin had tried to hide it behind brave smiles, but he still couldn't deny his homesickness. He had spent so long waiting to leave, to find his place, to learn all he could, that he left with barely a look backwards.<p>

And now all he wanted was to run home to what was familiar, where he knew the people and the rules and how to proceed. Not this new world of strangers and dining halls full of nameless servants.

Sure the fare was better than what he was used to, there were more luxuries, but it wasn't home. Not yet.


	18. Mpreg

So, I once tried to read an mpreg just because, but my problem was that it didn't explain it. I mean, is it too much trouble to come out and say it's because of magic? It bugs me when he just randomly gets pregnant. And they never question it. They're just like, oh, of course Merlin's pregnant. It makes perfect sense.

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><p>"Arthur… I'm pregnant." Merlin said seriously, shuffling nervously from one foot to the other. Arthur took in his manner and became panicked and confused.<p>

"But… um… how? I mean… you… I… um…"

"Well, you see, when two people love each other very much…" Merlin began grinning.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Arthur asked, not sure where he stood.

Merlin began to laugh so hard he stopped breathing a little and doubled over clutching his stomach.

"My god, you should have seen the look on your face! It was completely priceless! I really had you fooled there for a minute!"


	19. Radar said it best

The line "Sometimes a guy just needs to talk to his mom" is from an episode of MASH, said by Radar, after he calls someone's mother from Korea to help him deal with a bad breakup. And I get to see my mommy tomorrow night!

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><p>Gaius had noticed Merlin struggling and fading, and found there was at present little he could do to help. He was now Merlin's guardian, but not his friend, and certainly not his parent.<p>

So he did what he could: he called in someone who was. And though Arthur was angry to have his servant stolen from his chores, he was powerless against the look of sheer joy on Merlin's face at the sight of his mother.

But still he had to question, "Why? He's a big boy." Gauis simply said, "Sometimes a guy just needs to talk to his mom."


	20. Rory

I once read a crossover in which Merlin met Rory during the Pandorica adventure. I really like that theory.

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><p>Merlin stopped dead in his tracks in front of the three strangers. "I know something. Something important. Something very important that I should remember. What have I forgotten?"<p>

The one with a bowtie ventured, "Jethro? We've met a few times…" but that was unimportant. "sshhhh…..not important…It's Merlin right now….." as he tried to remember. "Merlin? I most certainly am not unimportant, and you should know me."

Why would the fool not shut up? "No, something vitally important. Someone important." Merlin paced confusedly for another minute before turning on his heel and exclaiming, "RORY! I know you!" And then Rory facepalmed.


	21. Earendil

Seriously, he gave him the light of Earendil. Not cool dude.

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><p>The Fisher King gave Merlin a gift in return, handing him a small liquid filled vial. He instructed, "May this show you the way when things are at their darkest…"<p>

"Wait, are you even allowed to give me that?" Merlin asked.

"…Of course, it's water from the lake of Avalon…"

"Yes, in which you have clearly set the light of Earendil. I'm pretty sure you can't just give that away on a whim. Can't I just have a magic seed or a pretty green gem or something?"

The Fisher king was baffled. "You don't understand-"

"No, you don't understand that you can't just mix themes like that. Come on, 'show the way when things are at their darkest', 'light when all other lights go out', it's the same thing. We both know that's not meant for me. Do you see a ring? That's what I thought."


	22. Keep in Line

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><p>"Why do you keep him around then?" Uther questioned one day, interrupting Arthur's insincere complaints about Merlin.<p>

"He… he keeps me in line." Arthur replied honestly.

"He keeps you in line?" Uther said carefully, controlling growing his anger. "You do realize that it is not the place of a peasant to 'keep in line' his prince?"

"You're absolutely right. It shouldn't fall to Merlin to keep me in line. But he does it, and he does it well. And I don't really care to imagine what kind of person I would be without that." _Not a good one, _he thought_._


	23. Angels

Immortal Merlin meets weeping angels. How do you live yourself to death if you never die?

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><p>Merlin was minding his own business, exploring the abandoned house, when BAM! 1915. He spent roughly 2 minutes exploring before he realized when he was, and became extremely agitated. Really, now he had to wait how long before he could go back?<p>

Of course, he eventually figured out that if you stare at a weeping angel, that happens. Which meant all he had to do was find them in whatever century he was in, and he could replay all the best parts of history, from multiple lives and perspectives.

Wish he'd had a different career during the 20s? Done. Want to see what the rest of the world was like in different eras? Simple, just pointedly blink until they sent him back to do it again and again.

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	24. Stop Hitting Yourself

I basically set up the weeping angel thing for this purpose.

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><p>"Wait… I learn time travel in the future?" Merlin asked himself, shocked that even he had mastered such a dangerous skill.<p>

"Well, not exactly. But I met someone who can send me back. And since I was already here there's something I want to try with you." Future/present Merlin looked completely earnest and not at all suspicious.

"You see, there's this game I learned in the future. At least, I hadn't heard of it yet at this point, so…"

Past Merlin stood waiting, trusting it would be a fun exciting new game from the future he would teach himself. He didn't expect to be tackled and pinned, then repeatedly punched lightly everywhere within reach as Future/present Merlin chanted.

"Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"

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	25. Feet

Inspired by knowing how to get the toilets in our dorm room fixed.

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><p>"But I don't understand! I asked to have his desk fixed ages ago!" Merlin had spent weeks requesting the castle carpenter fix Arthur's wobbly desk, to no effect but an angry impatient prince.<p>

"Yes, Merlin. _You_ asked to have it fixed. Sometimes you need to understand when a situation is beyond your control." Gwen had listened sympathetically to Merlin's sob story and requested the desk repaired the day before. They were staring at the sturdy, clearly mended, desk in Arthur's chambers.

"But why would he listen to you and not me?" Merlin whined.

"Look Down Merlin."

"…What?"

"What do you see when you look down?"

"Uhm, my feet?"

"Exactly. That's your problem." She said, looking down herself.

Following her eyes, Merlin blushed deeply and left, muttering about very important chores.

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	26. Uhm, Eoin Macken 'Nuff said

I recently discovered the beauty that is Eoin Macken. Seriously, no man has the right to be that attractive. I would totally leave Bradley James for that, so I figure Merlin would too.

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><p>"Arthur… I'm leaving you." Merlin announced one day out of the blue.<p>

"But. Why? We have something good. Am I not good enough?" He'd never been dumped before.

"I'm leaving you for Gwaine. You draw the conclusions." He seemed to think this answered everything.

"Gwaine? Why?" Arthur asked, still a bit baffled and shocked.

"Uhm, have you ever seen him shirtless? Have you ever seen him at all?" Merlin was a bit incredulous at Arthur's continued confusion.

"No, because I'm faithful-" he began.

"See, if you had, you would understand. I bet you would leave me for him as fast as I am. I mean, feel free to join us. Really. It's just that he's more beautiful than any other man anywhere ever. It's really no question."

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	27. Sparrow With a Machine Gun

If you've never seen the 1966 Batman movie, you really should. Or at least youtube some clips, because I swear, they're solid gold. The riddles are from there, along with an exploding shark and a scene with a bomb and some baby ducks.

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><p>Uther sat up suddenly from his death bed, looking excited if pale. "Hey, okay, so what has yellow skin and writes?" He looked around expectantly at the room full of gaping faces before delivering the punch line. "A ball point banana of course!"<p>

"Here's another. What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous?" He again waited a few minutes to see if anyone had the answer to his highly anachronistic riddle before just telling them. "A sparrow with a machine gun! It's the only possible interpretation!"

Still no one said a word, wondering if the king had lost his mind due to his condition, forcing him to defend himself. "Look, dying is easy. Comedy is hard."

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><p>review please?<p> 


	28. Classes

Going to class is laaaaame.

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><p>Some days Merlin was motivated and got up at the right time, without prompting from Gauis or Arthur or anyone else nagging at him to get his ass up.<p>

Some days Merlin barely made it up, dragging himself out of bed at the last possible minute, sometimes a bit after that.

Some days he legitimately accidentally overslept, lying late in bed despite every honest intention of getting up despite his exhaustion and overwhelming day looming ahead.

And some days he simply chose to ignore his duties. He would wake at the crack of dawn, think of his chores for the morning and the rest of the day, and of his current state, and decide it simply wasn't going to happen.

Those days are his favorites; he sleeps late and no one notices right away, everyone assuming he's up. He catches up on a precious hour or two of sleep, waking on his own to the risen sun outside his window rather than the barely lit sky of dawn. If he's not allowed that luxury, he wakes to Arthur barging in yelling at him, playing perfectly the part of the angry prince scolding his lazy servant.

But that's really not so bad either, because if you can't wake to the sun, isn't waking to your handsome best friend standing in your bedroom the next best thing?

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	29. Dancing with the Knights

In case you couldn't tell, I kind of gave up on the 100 words thing. Callum is from the story Don't Let Me Go, by Kylechan1788. I don't own him, he's not mine.

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><p>When Arthur prepared to raise Merlin to nobility in the interest of certain romantic proceedings, he of course had to prepare Merlin himself to play the part.<p>

As such, he and the knights spent several weeks off and on teaching Merlin how to dance formally for banquets and such. Merlin, being Merlin, was as clumsy as ever, his dancing skill depending wholly on the skill of his partner and their attitude towards him.

Lancelot led Merlin carefully, avoiding injury and making him seem not completely incompetent.

Gwaine dragged Merlin around the floor so flightfully that Merlin could barely keep his feet under him, let alone step on his partner.

Arthur was a tender helpful partner, calming Merlin enough for him to relax into the steps and almost enjoy himself.

Leon was a gentle instructing partner, receiving a few bruises but giving valuable input so as to lessen the number of bruises Merlin gave over time.

Elyan channeled his inner Gwen and became flustered and embarrassed, stepping on Merlin as often as Merlin stepped on him.

Percival taught firmly and solidly, his no-nonsense manner leaving no room for error, but also no room for relaxation.

The knight Callum, who had always sucked up to Uther at Arthur's expense and been generally mean to him and Merlin both, treated the task as a rather unpleasant chore. He walked away the most damaged and sore of any of Merlin's partners. Merlin walked away with a pointedly innocent look on his face to show how unintentional it had been every time he stepped on Callum or miraculously managed to knee him anywhere within reach.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	30. Winning Arguments

Seriously, there are at least two episodes where Merlin doesn't wear the neckerchief, and no one comments or explains it. I think that means he doesn't have an awkward fetish with it. Probably.

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So, the story stats keep telling me I'm getting hits on this. Either the story stats are lying or y'all are reading and not reviewing, and it's starting to make me a little sad. Pleeeeeeease?

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><p>"Merlin, why do you always wear that ridiculous thing around your neck? I feel like I've never seen you without it." Arthur complained one day, questioning the most trivial things he could think of.<p>

"Really? You haven't? That must be because you're a self centered prat who never notices other people. I can think of several occasions where I haven't worn it. One of them was, let's see, _yesterday_. When, for no real reason, I decided not to wear my neckerchief. Don't make a big deal of something just because you don't pay attention." Merlin finished his lecture in the most patronizing tone he could, giving Arthur a look pitying his rather dim wit.

Arthur stopped eating his apple and threw in at Merlin, instantly winning any and all ongoing arguments.


	31. It's a Start

Yeah, I definitely had different thoughts during this scene.

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><p>Arthur pulled Gwen close for their first kiss in far too long, asking if that answered her question. To which she replied, "It tells me you want to get laid."<p>

He considered responding and a manner indignantly outraged, before he stopped to really consider her words.

"Perhaps it does. Am I doing a good job accomplishing that?" he questioned boldly with a self-satisfied smirk.

Gwen scrutinized him in his loose open shirt and tight pants while she pondered his question. Returning his smirk, she said before pulling him into a heated kiss, "It's a start." And what a start it was.

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><p>Please Review?<p> 


	32. Suspicious Character

Oh my gosh, I completely forgot this existed until Alby Mangroves reviewed like fifteen of them. Seriously, I kind of love her now. I wrote this little arc especially for her.

I own Merlin. It was my idea to make Morgana evil and to not have any Merthur and to kill off Gwen's father and make Arthur hate magic. That was all me.

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><p>Arthur sat silently at lunch with his knights, pining over the magnificent man who obviously would never return his affection. Whenever he tried to get Merlin to see him as more than a slave driver, he got a pained look on his face and left as soon as he could.<p>

He knew there was something special about Merlin, he just didn't know what. He was so elite, hanging out with his other servant friends, seeming polite enough in public, but not giving him a moment's notice the rest of the time.

He met an old woman recently on patrol who seemed well versed in suspicious characters; maybe she would have a book Arthur could consult to find out what Merlin's story was.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	33. Banditti

If this one doesn't help you figure out the theme the next one will. Or maybe not.

I own Merlin. I bought it for fifty dollars. Canadian dollars.

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><p>Merlin tried to stay away from Arthur, he really did. He knew nothing good could come from it, but when he saw Arthur get attacked by bandits returning from the old woman's hut he could think of no better option than to use magic and save Arthur, who was of course too stupid to just run away.<p>

The experience led to Arthur knowing exactly what was up with Merlin, and he only loved him more for his magical eccentricities. It didn't hurt that through a fluke of destiny Merlin was powerless to use magic to harm Arthur. Seriously, he couldn't if he tried.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	34. Hunigraine

Last part of this trio. The last chapter being titled Banditti is kind of in reference to Anne Radcliffe's Romance of the Forest in which a character is constantly terrified of 'banditti'.

I own Merlin. I am the human embodiment of the BBC.

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><p>With all their secrets out in the open, there was really no reason for Merlin and Arthur not to pursue a relationship. Merlin would regularly sneak into Arthur's room at night to sit and talk and just cuddle, since it had been so long since either of them had that kind of open affection.<p>

This particular night Arthur asked why Merlin had been in the woods in the first place if he tried to stay away from him.

"I've never met anyone like you. When I'm around you I feel unreasonably happy, and when I leave it's like coming down off a drug. You're like an expensive drug to me, and I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't stay away. I shouldn't even be here now."

In the end so many magical beings kept trying to kill Arthur that Merlin just taught him sorcery, and he was a complete natural at it. It was like he was born to be a sorcerer, and all their magical threats went away.

Then they had a baby and named her Hunigraine.

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><p>Yay Twilight. The Hunigraine was in case you didn't get it from the plot line. And to poke fun that they named their child Renesmee. Because seriously.<p>

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	35. Pristine

According to my English major sister, Percival is the super pure celibate one who's always searching for the grail. So he's not just too cool for sleeves, he's too cool for 's also the good looking one.

I own Merlin. I won it in a game of poker.

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><p>The patrol had, as they were wont to do, gotten into a bit of a skirmish with some bandits they had found camped near the city. Though the knights were assured victory by their far superior skills, they were also assured a few bumps and bruises by their highly inferior numbers.<p>

While fighting, Gwaine fell and hit his elbow on a rock, leaving the beginnings of a lovely purple mark. Sir Ian the Redshirt-But-Not-Quite-Yet was hit in the bicep by a blunt errant sword, which he quickly dispatched. Sir Leon was knocked into a tree by three men before he found his footing.

Percival suffered all three of these mishaps, but lacking sleeves, should have left the fight significantly bloodier than his companions. Instead he walked away with his arms looking as pristine and beautiful as ever.

Because Percival is too cool to need sleeves.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	36. Bath Time

So this isn't a drabble.. at all.. but it didn't really break up right and I feel like every word had a purpose, so here it is. This is for CastielLovesDean, who requested a Merlin/Arthur bath scene. Thought I'd try my hand at Sick!Arthur and fluffiness, which I'm not great at.

I own Merlin. It's real, I created it.

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><p>"Merrrrlin… stop it…" Arthur flapped his hand ineffectually at his manservant, trying to express his fatigue without moving more than strictly necessary.<p>

Merlin, seeing his uncharacteristic lack of violence, checked him over and established that he was, in fact, coming down with the nasty cold circulating the town. Giving him the super fun job to keep him entertained and comfortable.

Half way through the day he would have been ready to quit, except the misery Arthur was suffering was clearly not feigned. He had spent the morning abed, alternately sweating and freezing, and was now complaining about how disgusting he was with snot and sweat everywhere.

His stupor was such that he failed to notice Merlin lugging up bucket after bucket of water and heating and filling his tub without magic, since he never knew what Arthur may or may not notice.

"Come on Arthur, bath time. Up you get." The prince allowed himself to be manhandled over to the tub, where he stood swaying as Merlin undressed him and helped him into the bath.

Arthur seemed to come to with a gasp at feeling the water, looking around coherently for the first time in hours. "Merlin, not to offend your delicate sensibilities, but I don't really much feel like washing right now." He tried and failed to come up with an adequate excuse, while Merlin set to work soaping up a cloth and washing him.

Arthur sat quietly watching him until he moved around to his back, and let out a contented whimper at the feel of the hot water streaming down. It was followed by a relaxed sigh in the back of his throat when Merlin started on his hair.

For once neither smart ass had a scathing remark concerning their compromising position, which was just as well since only one of them was still awake enough for communication.

As Arthur dozed with his head against Merlin's chest, he was conscious not of his responsibilities and relationships and shortcomings, only of a feeling of total peace and security.

As Merlin absentmindedly massaged Arthurs scalp, he was conscious not of his responsibilities and relationships and shortcomings, only of the beautiful man he was doing everything for leaning on his chest. In that moment he didn't care whether or not he noticed the light kiss to his forehead, only that he was happy.

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><p>Review Please?<p> 


	37. Smirkgravaine

Poor Agravaine, he'll never live up to her talents...

I own Merlin. I traded it for an ice-cream cone.

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><p>"NO! Like THIS!" Morgana screeched at Agravaine, frustrated to no end by his incompetence. She demonstrated her smirk for the hundredth time that hour, hoping beyond hope that eventually he would figure it out. Alas, he succeeded only in looking like he was trying to play the flute.<p>

Seeing this, she tried a different approach, speaking as if to a spoilt crying child. "Okay. You obviously understand playing instruments. Have you ever blown on a horn?"

He nodded fearfully, desperate to please her and avoid her wrath. "Good," she responded, "make a face like you're about to play a horn." He did this, looking a little constipated.

"Now smile a little bit while you're doing that. Then bring your eyebrows down a little and try to think sneaky thoughts." He followed her new advice, managing to pull off what was at least recognizable as a smirk. For some reason though, he just couldn't quite get it as good as hers.

Didn't he understand smirking took constant practice every time someone turned their back? _He has a lot to learn,_ Morgana thought with a quiet sigh as she dismissed him.

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><p>Review Please?<p> 


	38. Fluffy Bunny

Everyone seems to have this idea of innocent vegetarian Merlin. Seriously, he grew up in a village in year like 600. Chances are he eats meat and he likes it. He's probably also a passable hunter who understands the value of the activity even if he enjoys being an A-hole to Arthur.

I own Merlin. I bought it on the Black Market.

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><p>Merlin and Arthur were just about to go to sleep, sitting contentedly around their campfire. Suddenly, out of the corner of Merlin's eye, he saw something move at the edge of camp. Growing stiff and quiet, Arthur followed his lead and looked around for what had put his servant on edge.<p>

The fluffy bunny hopped closer, sniffing for danger and sensing none. How tragically wrong it was. The poor thing never saw the vicious hunter leap on it, snapping its neck even as he landed. Merlin sat up with a dead rabbit hanging from one hand and a victorious gleam in his eye.

When asked why he attacked such a small creature with such violent abandon, he got a disgusted look on his face and hissed that he _hated_ rabbits. Except in stew, he added happily, stirring the pot.

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><p>Review Please?<p> 


	39. To die To sleep

So I realized that ten of these written so far are actually references to/based on other pieces of nerdiness. I think it's my new goal to see how many more I can throw in before I lose motivation again. Today's drabble is inspired by me, kidnapped by Hamlet.

I own Merlin. I saved up all my allowance money until I could afford to buy it.

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><p>Merlin stood behind the crenellation watching over Camelot. Stunning by night, wearisome by day. Home. He leaned over to stare at the ground hundreds of feet below, contemplating the distance.<p>

All it would take was one step; stand at the edge and lean over; even jump if he wanted. It would be so simple to end his tedium, his fatigue, his despair. To die. To sleep, to take arms against his troubles and end the heartache and pain that was his life. He wished he could some times.

But wasn't that the point of standing there? The power. To know that he, in fact, could, if he so chose. He could choose to end it all and quit, and it was his decision to stay, no one else's.

And death may be sleep, but in that sleep of death he knew not what dreams would come, and decided time and time again to leave the undiscovered country undiscovered.

Merlin knew of his mortal dreams. He dreamt of the hazy future of peace and accomplishment. Of finding love and sharing his heart. Of telling his secrets and having enough and seeing his friends comfortable.

So he stood behind the crenellation, not next to it. He contemplated the distance, but never examined it too closely. He bemoaned his fatigue but never gave in to it. He suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, noble in his mind if not in the eyes of those around him.

And in the mean time there was an equally noble prat to attend to, one Merlin didn't want to leave quite yet.

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><p>Check out Hamlet's monologue if you want the origin of the pretty words. The famous 'To be or not to be...' one. It's pretty neat.<p>

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	40. His Own Master

I blame the fact that I've been on my death bed for not posting these. I started coughing during class today and when I was finished the guy next to me pointed at the floor and was like, "is that a lung I see?"

I own Merlin. I hacked it up and put it on TV.

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><p>It had been so long, weeks, months even, since Merlin had known this particular brand of accomplishment. The feeling was akin to nothing short of being atop the world, with all of Camelot and her people at his hands.<p>

He'd spent so long cleaning Arthur's chambers, doing Gauis's chores, that he'd forgotten the simple pleasure of being his own master for a day, to take care of the things he'd been setting aside. Just finishing what he needed to do for himself was so new to him.

Surveying his strangely clean room, Merlin hoped he could find the time to do this every week. He had spent so long living with a mess he'd forgotten what it was like to live with organization and room and, even, a floor. Cleaning his room was definitely Merlin's new favorite activity.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	41. Tetris

This is partially inspired by Tetris. It ruined my life.

I own Merlin. I wanted Eoin Gruffudd for the role of Lancelot, but he was busy.

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><p>"Merlin, where have you been all day? I know you weren't feeling well so I didn't push it this morning, but this is getting-" Arthur finally noticed Merlin's frantic shushing motions and stopped talking, his hands on his hips and one eyebrow raised in question.<p>

"Sshhh… I've almost got this spoon balanced just right…" he was sat on the edge of his bed leaning over the side table, moving a spoon in the tiniest increments possible to balance on the corner. He finally achieved it, leaving the spoon wobbling back and forth but never falling or settling.

He let out a cry of victory before turning to the prince with his most eager to please hardworking expression on his face, finished with his labour of hours and ready to start the rest of his day. But it was too late; the crown prince of Camelot had become entranced by an eating utensil on a table.

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><p>Review Please?<p> 


	42. The Noble Lancelot

I just saw Wicked. The musical. Holy fucking shit there are not enough words to describe my wordlessness at the wonder that is that show.

My sister's favorite Arthurian story to tell me about is the one where Lancelot backhanded someone so hard he died. I guess that makes this one a little crackish.

I own Merlin. I make him read Brolins until he cries every day.

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><p>"Ho, cart driver! Where are you headed? I need to go to Camelot." Lancelot asked the clearly loaded down wagon headed away from Camelot.<p>

The baffled driver answered, "I am headed for Mercia, and I can spare no room around my wares..."

So Lancelot backhanded him so hard he died and stole the cart. A woman shrieked and fell at his feet, and got stabbed for her troubles.

On his way to Camelot a peasant enquired as to his identity, so Lancelot stabbed him too. A passing servant dropped a glove, and while he bent down to pick it up, Lancelot impaled him.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	43. Sir Fessevisage

I own Merlin. I rent him out for 300 Canadian dollars per night.

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><p>Sir Fessevisage had been trying to separate Arthur and Merlin for months, threatened by their closeness. He finally found a way to turn it to his advantage after having walked in on them in a rather compromising position earlier that day.<p>

Naturally, his immediate reaction was to tell Uther, knowing the king would be so enraged by his son taking up with his servant that he would blame the peasant boy and have him exiled or executed or something else delightfully vile.

He wondered if it was normal to be that excited about telling a man about having witnessed his son having gay sex. Of course it was, how could he think otherwise?

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><p>Review Please?<p> 


	44. Sir Fessevisage part deux

Sir Fessevisage had been granted a council with the king, and stood pointedly still so as not to fidget like a child before his first pony.

"My Lord, I must regretfully inform you that earlier this very day, I was made unknowing witness to some rather vulgar and intimate acts between your esteemed son and his filthy serving boy. Shall I take him to a cell to await your judgment or do you have more specific orders?"

He delivered this with his best bootlicking face, like a puppy seeking approval. He did not expect to have his face laughed in uproariously by an apparently rather open minded Uther. He did not expect to cause the man pain, which he obviously had judging by the way Uther was clutching his side and gasping for breath.


	45. Sir Fessevisage part trois

I own Merlin. Everyday we have a tea party with the Doctor and the Queen.

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><p>"Dungeon? Surely you jest. We all know Arthur is a fine specimen of a young man, no one could be blamed for wishing to experience more of him. And if he wishes to engage a servant it is the boy's honour and privilege to serve him in such a manner. Goodness knows I dallied with my fair share of servants, though they tended to be of the female variety…" He became a little concerned at his son's choice of company, but quickly brushed it aside.<p>

"My son may tarry with whosoever he wishes, and whoever that is should be expected to be pleased by his advances. Now I suggest you take your jealousies elsewhere, Sir Fessevisage." And Uther walked out to find some serving girl, or do paperwork, or some equally productive kingly thing.

Sir Fessevisage indeed took his jealousies elsewhere; to France, where some well meaning peasant introduced him to the magical rainbow world of queers, and he lived happily ever after.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	46. Sick Merlin

I recently had bronchitis, then went on a trip to see Wicked. It was awesome and amazing and one of my life goals is now complete, but we spent the day travelling and shopping and going out that night after the show and I came home and spend two days not moving.

I own Merlin. He came to me in a fever dream and never left.

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><p>"Go away, or you'll just get sick too." Merlin moaned at Arthur from what he was convinced was his death bed.<p>

"You haven't had a fever in over a week. You stopped being contagious a long time ago." Arthur responded from his spot next to Merlin's bed. Merlin started to laugh disbelievingly, but ended up coughing , doubled over with tears streaming down his red face.

He took the offered sip of water, not wanting to hack up a lung with Arthur right there watching him but unable to prevent it.

"This is stupid. I was getting better, really. I'm tired of being dead and stupid. I'm tired of not being able to lay flat without dying." Merlin had started to get over his illness, so resumed his busy lifestyle. Predictably, not allowing himself time to fully heal had catapulted him back into being sick and not wanting to leave his room.

"Hey, it's okay. Every time you sleep it's a little better right? Even you couldn't mess that up." Arthur was keeping the 'poor thing' as Gwen had named him company through his wheezing.

It was fortunate he was, since the only way Merlin could sleep was propped half upright, and whenever he became tired enough Arthur was conveniently there to lean on.

If Arthur called him an idiot while brushing the sweaty hair out of his face, neither of them took it to heart, and if Merlin said he made a good pillow because of all the fat, they both knew that was his way of saying thank you.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	47. Whatever

I own Merlin. I found him in my cereal box this morning.

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><p>"Arthur, we need to talk. It's about me, and, well, magic." Merlin opened, having waited until his king had eaten and drunk some wine and was in the best mood possible.<p>

"…you're still standing there so clearly this isn't about magic having hurt you, and I doubt you've used magic to hurt someone else, so either magic has helped you or you've used magic to help someone else?" He deduced, seeming to take Merlin's half-assed confession in stride. He was a very good actor.

"A little of both. I'm a sorcerer. I've been using magic my whole life." He figured just putting it out there provided for the fewest possible misunderstandings.

"Your whole life? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that make you a warlock, not a sorcerer? Because there's a difference you know." It was just like Arthur to hear his best friend was practicing magic and nitpick his word choice.

"Sorcerer, warlock, whatever. It doesn't really matter that much and no one really cares. But yes."

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><p>Review Please?<p> 


	48. More Fun

So CastielLovesDean requested "a chapter where not-so-noble Arthur takes advantage of his authority over Merlin... sexually?" and I kind of put it on the shelf because I wasn't really feeling it. So I was cleaning out my inbox and it was still there and I used it to cure my lack of ideas. I kind of played with the idea though because I don't like scenarios where both parties aren't willing for themselves as well as the other person.

I own Merlin. He was hitchhiking and I picked him up.

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><p>"Merlin!" Arther barked on entering his chambers, seeing Merlin breathing on the window so he could draw in the fog. Because that's one of the official duties of a royal servant.<p>

"…Yes?" Merlin waited for Arthur to speak but the prince was just staring absently at him.

"Right!" Arthur stopped to take a deep breath, "I am your master, and since you like to play with your mouth so much, I command you to, ep, um," the rest of his order he mouthed as though his vocal chords no longer worked. He fidgeted nervously, drawing Merlin's attention to his lower half and giving away his request.

Merlin simply smirked, knowing exactly what he was being ordered to do but playing with Arthur first. He walked as close to him as was possible without touching and put his ear right up to Arthur's mouth before whispering, "What was that you wanted, Sire?"

Arthur managed to croak out what he wanted, and Merlin only heard clearly because of the proximity of his ear.

"What if I don't want to?" he asked cheekily, knowing he was going to but enjoying Arthur's squirming far too much to give in so easily.

"I'm the prince and you're the servant, so you have to do what I say. Right?" Arthur started confidently, but ended questioningly. When Merlin's only response was to nod and kneel at his feet he fully expected to pass out from lack of oxygen.

Leaning tired and tangled against the wall, Arthur looked up at Merlin in disbelief that using his authority to get what he wanted had actually worked. Merlin seemed to understand his wonder.

"You know, you didn't have to order me. You could have just asked." Arthur blinked, and responded, "I suppose if you didn't want to all the royal commands in the world wouldn't have convinced you, would they?" he asked, his ego simultaneously shrinking and swelling.

"Nope. They wouldn't have. Although this way was much more fun. Maybe you should stick to being a prat." He said, wrapping his arms closer around Arthur and resting his own head on top of Arthur's.

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><p>Review Please?<p> 


	49. Tradition

There are about four dragony drabbles I'll be posting, so I hope you're all okay with that. You never review so it's not like I'll know or have to care if you're not okay with it, so whatever.

I own Merlin. I bought him at the thrift store.

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><p>After things had died down and they had repaired the damage from the dragon's attack, Merlin called him back just to talk, since he could now order him to get to the point.<p>

"You called, M'lin?" he asked. Merlin just looked at him for a minute.

"Did you just call me M'lin? My name's definitely Merlin"

"That was before. You're a dragonlord now; you must change your name so it has the apostrophe after the first consonant. It's a dragonlord rule."

"Really? What about my father? His name was Balinor, and when I met him his name was still Balinor even though he was a dragonlord."

"Your father didn't tell you his dragonlord name because it wouldn't have made sense to you. When he, as a young man, inherited his father's powers, he changed his name to B'linor. And his father's name was R'yan, and his father's name was C'mberbund, and his father's name was C'looney. It's a prestigious tradition, with a long and glorious history."

And then Merlin facepalmed.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	50. Ruth

Seriously. "Oh, a new magic white dragon that's going to change life as we know it and eventually bring an end to the hardship that's pretty much the plot of the entire series." Anne McCaffrey much? The M'lin thing was stolen from her too, as will be the next two chapters. Becuase really.

I own Merlin. My mommy gave him to me for Christmas.

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><p>Merlin looked deep inside himself to find the new dragon's name, and called it forth with a hoarse "Aithusa!"<p>

Aithusa however had other plans. He cracked out of his shell like normal, looked around to get his bearings, and made his first words those of argument.

"Actually, I prefer the name Ruth. Aithusa, really, what is that? Ruth is clearly a superior name."

Merlin and Kilgarrah simply stared in shock, before Merlin tried to explain that he didn't just get to pick his own name.

"It's my name, I should think I know what it is. Ruth I am, I am Ruth. I kid you not, I tell the truth."

And then Kilgarrah facepalmed.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	51. Between

Hey bro.

I own Merlin. He's a '95 Buick and he never wants to work right.

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><p>Arthur and his pet magician were running from the bandit camp they had - literally – stumbled upon. Merlin, seeing that their pursuers had somehow found and mounted horses, grabbed Arthur's hand to get them away through more supernatural means.<p>

They appeared next in the Camelot courtyard, Merlin releasing a held breath and Arthur shivering and coughing.

"What the hell was that?" he asked upon catching his breath. He'd been the surprised partner to many spells, but none quite like that.

"Oh, that was Between. It's the easiest way to transport; Kilgarrah taught me. It just takes a few seconds to go where you want, as long as you can picture it firmly in your mind and handle the dark cold. Isn't it neat?" He grinned, knowing Arthur's response would not be a pleased one.

"…Really? You learned that from a dragon? What are you gonna tell me next, that Aithusa taught you to time travel?"

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	52. Time Travel

I'm a terrible person. I write drabbles and upload them and then wait a week before posting them. Sorry bro.

I own Merlin. He's my coffee slave. Because who needs sex when you have coffee?

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><p>"Merlin! Merlin Merlin Merlin Merlin Merlin! I learned to time travel!" Aithusa screeched in his ear after landing on his chest, knocking him to the ground.<p>

"Is that so? Won't Arthur just be so proud of you! Did Kilgarrah teach you?" Merlin was semi used to his young friend attacking him in excitement at every newly acquired skill the older dragon showed him.

"Nope! I figured it out all by myself! I pictured a place before I went Between just like normal, but I pictured it at a different time I knew existed, and when I went to find you you were all little!"

"Wait, really? You used going Between to go back in time? Just the same?"

"Well, it took a little longer, but yeah! Isn't that cool?"

Arthur thought it was equally cool when future Merlin popped in for a visit right after he'd learned about regular dragon transportation.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


	53. October

A little late, but still on the mind. This song is written with Eric Whitacre's "October" in mind.

I own Merlin. Before season 5 I was all, "Hey, let's have Morgana be old and have no one recognize her because apparently they're all morons. That's believable, right?"

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><p>"I can't believe it's October again." Merlin mused as he gazed over the wall at what had become his home and life.<p>

"What?" Arthur asked.

"Oh," Merlin explained, "I've been here six years. It was October of that first year that I feel I really grew up. First love, my world expanding and exploding, and it has yet to stop. I just can't believe I've lived through six years of Octobers. Everything keeps moving and changing, but every year I get to this point and I just stop and remember. It still feels so much like that first October every time."

Arthur dissected Merlin's face with his stare, searching for he didn't know what and not sure whether he found it.

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><p>Review please?<p> 


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